The Classic Blunder

As I continue to meditate on the insidious nature of self centeredness – even in the guise of spirituality, my eyes continue to see more of the ugly blithe growing like cancer in my life and thoughts.  Worship seems to be a primary battle ground where the Holy Spirit and the self-life grapple.  Have you ever been in church or at a worship service where everyone was singing when all of a sudden some really wild thoughts come streaming through in surround sound?  Some of my top goofy thoughts in worship are as follows:

1.  “I don’t feel like singing!”

2.  “I don’t sing – I’m not a singer… Singing is for sissies!”

3.  “What if someone hears me!  My voice is terrible!”

4.  “How can I sing right now when I’ve lived the way I’ve lived all week!”

5.  “Ya know, I’m just not into this style of music.  I’ll start singing when they have a song that has a better vibe.”

The list goes on.  When you think about it, every one of those statements is all about me.  Worship has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with God.  So what if I’ve sinned this week.  So did everyone else – open your mouth wide and sing with your whole being!  He’s worth it.  He’s everything and I’m, well not important!

The Unseen Pandemic

I recently found myself infected with an insidious virus that crippled me in ways I could not see or sense.  I woke early to spend time with God like I usually do.  As I endeavored to praise Him, I was overwhelmed by my own weaknesses, sins, and shortcomings; and the prayer of praise slipped into a discussion about me.  Suddenly, the Lord turned on the light of revelation, and He showed me that my praises had been quelled by a preoccupation with self.  In the space of a millisecond, He and I entered a mini-conflict.  I complained to Him that I thought I was supposed to acknowledge my sins to Him.  He pointed out that there is always a time to transparently acknowledge my sins before Him, and then to turn from them to Him.  But my tendency is then to roll out my tent and set up camp right there in selfland, rather than ascending the Hill of the Lord and enjoying Him forever.  In that moment, my mind was opened to realize that though I am a pastor, and though I am supposed to be an example of holiness, selflessness, and service to other people, I have, to quote the Princess Bride, “fallen victim to the classic blunder!”  I’ve wrapped my preoccupation with self in the garb of spirituality.  Even my worship is all about me. To misquote Matt Redmond, “it’s all about me, yes it’s all about me, Jesus.”

I’ve known of my tendency toward self-centeredness for years, and even thought that I had matured beyond it.  That morning with Jesus, I became painfully aware that I’m still infected, and the tumor has to my surprise metastasized throughout my being.  The symptoms are obvious:  weak, passionless worship, loss of passion for people who don’t know Jesus, and no authority or power in ministering to others.  In all of my daily life, my focus inevitably centers on what others think of me, what I think of me, and what God thinks of me.  Then I look at Jesus.  He cared about one thing.  “How may I please and obey You today, Father?”  Jesus messed up today’s psychological emphasis on having a “good self image.”  He had NO self image.  I’m not saying He had a bad self image.  To the contrary, he set up no image before His father.  He thought nothing of Himself, and thought only of pleasing His father, and loving others.  Jesus infected his disciples with this, and the book of Acts reveals a group of people who have thought of self, except for the occassional set back caused by a momentary need to preserve self or status.

Oh Jesus, let the passion of my life be to enjoy You, and to please the Father!  Holy Spirit, let my focus be on what You are saying, and on what You are doing.  Today, I surrender my thought life to You and to Your purposes on the earth.

My Cross Cultural Childhood

I grew up a suburban boy from Golden Colorado.  Our motto was, “Golden, where the West remains!”  Although our neighbors had horses that lived in a pasture behind our backyard – that’s the most I ever saw of the old west in my town.  I was a child of the 60’s.  And though that may mean civil rights marches, Vietnam, rock and roll and hippies to you; the 60’s were a time of playing outside with the neighbor kids, running to catch the ice cream man, and looking out the window and dreaming I was a cowboy.   I know now that we were genuine suburbanites.  We knew nothing of “the hood” that so many of our urban friends grew up in, and we certainly knew nothing about country living… That is, except for the trips of wonder and magic we took  to visit my relatives.

For the first ten years of my life, most summer weekends became journeys through time and space to my great aunt’s house in Delta, Colorado.  My parents would load up all three boys (the 4th boy came later) in the green ‘66 Rambler stationwagon and drive through the Colorado mountains to what I now know as “the western slope.”  There were no freeways then, no I-70, and for sure no I-25.   No sir, we drove over mountain passes with two wheel drive cars with one kid – me – in the far back sleeping on top of suitcases without a thought of a seat belt.

As we drove along the Colorado River, our stomachs beginning to ache for hunger, I would look for the mountains tinted with red dirt across the river from Glennwood Springs.  The red mountains meant one thing to us three boys… Charcoal Broiler Drive In Burger Joint!  Dad and Mom always liked taking us to the wonderful place that served grilled burgers wrapped in paper, tidied up with a swashbuckling sword/toothpick.  Once the burger was gone, a little boy could entertain himself the rest of the way to Delta with that little sword.  The restaurant also served the most amazing milk shakes ever created.  It was here that I began my lifelong addiction to chocolate shakes… But little did I know that I was descending into another world… A veritable little boy’s wonderland called Aunt Anna’s house.

Aunt Anna was a unique woman who was ahead of her time.  She had grown up in the early 20th century and had become a woman doctor, something quite rare in those days.  She had an amazing place on the western slope that was part house, part hospital, and part farm. Everything about Anna was warm.  Her skin was kind and wrinkly, her smile welcoming.  Her whole house smelled of kindness and nurture.  The lighting of the house was dark yet comforting.  Aunt Anna was one of those real country doctors who, although she lived in the later 20th century, would trade chickens for treatment, and pig feed for penicillin.  Each day at her house was like living in heaven for a little boy.  It was here that I got my first taste of the life that awaits us beyond the grave.  God quietly and invisibly gave me Anna, a brilliant woman who lived alone in a big house to model for me the love of God.  Anna relished the sight of me!  Of me – a silly freckle faced little boy.  Cooking over her warm, coal fueled stove, Anna would fry up some fresh country eggs blackened by bacon greese.  Then she would sit down and smile at me with a twinkle in her eye, and tell me a story or two.   Aunt Anna helped me cross over from suburbia to the country.  She reminds me of my kind Master – Jesus.  Each day with Him helps me move from this blackened place to a place of righteousness and light.  My plan is to spend enough time with Him now, so that it’s not such a big transition when I cross over for good.

February 20, 2009

I’ve had such an impactful week at a men’s ministry conference put on by Dan Schaffer, the director of a ministry called, Building Brothers.  Dan’s teaching is simple yet profound.  For me, this is the sign of an excellent communicator – someone who can take complex, profound truths and communicate them in easy to digest form.  One of the big truths for me was the idea of opportunity vs. obligation.

Most people who follow Jesus do so out of obligation rather than out of opportunity.  This is a real sign that we’ve slipped on the banana peel of law, and completely missed grace.  We tend to pray because we’re supposed to, share the gospel out of guilt, and read the Bible because it’s a pill we have to swallow, rather than the source of joy and life.  Schaffer tells us that obligation has two faces.  Trying to earn God’s love is the first.  This insidious little virus creeps into our thinking without our even knowing it.  It’s a prideful human effort to somehow show God that we actually have worth because of our own inherant goodness and dligent effort.  The core message of the Bible is that our “righteousness is as filthy rags,” and that we have overwhelming need of a Savior.  Living out of obligation always leads to isolation.  God immediately pulls away from us when we attempt to earn our own righteousness.  He is “opposed to the proud.”  He just gets quiet and distant when we seem to think we can earn anything.

Besides trying to earn God’s love, we often try to manipulate Him.  Have you ever heard the statement, “me and God have a deal.”  This pathetic perspective makes God into a genie that exists for my happiness and my whims, rather than me existing to give him glory and pleasure by living in union with His will.  I think of when I played football in high school.  I gave God very little of my attention except when I needed Him to help my team win a game.  Then I cried out, “God, please help us win!  I’ll do whatever you want me to do if you just let us win!”  In my drinking straw sized perspective, I thought God existed to make me happy by putting me on a winning football team.  I later realized His purposes are so much grander than that!  But in the heat of the moment, I could not understand why God wouldn’t do what I told Him to do.  It did to me what it does to anyone trying to manipulate the King of the universe – it made me bitter.  Bitterness is the cream that comes to the surface of our life when we churn with the spoon of manipulation.

When we jump into the pool of grace, we begin to swim around in the boyancy of opportunity.  Grace says I get to pray, I can’t wait to hear what my Father says to me today in His word, and I just can’t help telling people about his goodness – it bubbles out of my like foam on a good root beer.  Where are you today?  In the midst of obligation, or are you swimming in the wonderful pool of grace, which empties out into the river of opportunity?

February 6, 2009

I am continuing a discussion regarding George Miley’s teaching on spiritual warfare.  If you’re just now parachuting into this blog, you may want to go back a few posts in order to catch the context of the discussion.  We’ve been looking at spiritual warfare through the lense of Jesus’ approach to the cross.  The way the individual believer prepares for our warrior, God to fight on our behalf is by taking the same posture Jesus took as he approached Calvary.

Jesus refused to rely on human methods. Think about it.  His whole stagedy (strategy) was upside down to what most ancient and modern heros would do to accomplish victory.  Man’s approach is to crush the opposition through superior fire power, through superior human strength, and through deception.  Jesus’ way was meek, submissive, and under restraint.  Even satan, the arch deceiver and father of misdirection was deceived by this upside down thinking of Jesus.  Paul understood this as the wisdom of God, and his preaching oozed with such mysterious thinking.  He says in I Corinthians 2: 7-8, ...we speak of God’s secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began.  None of the rulers of this age understood it (I think he’s talking about phisical and spiritual, demonic rulers), for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.  (NIV) This reminds me of the powerful scene in Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ,” when Jesus breathed his last and gave up his spirit.  The camera angle suddenly came down from a great height, zooming to earth with great speed, revealing the sudden revelation that satan suddenly comprehended.  He had played into the hand of the awesome God clear to the end, and the Justice of God had been satisfied by the death of His perfect sinless Son.  Satan was defeated by a man who appeared more like a lamb led to the slaughter than by a victorious warrior.

For me, this is perhaps one of the most difficult lessons in life – meekness and submission.  The Biblical principle is this:  Submission puts me in a posture for God to work through me, in me, and in those around me.  It’s why Paul commanded the wives of the early church to submit to their husbands.  Paul understood the unearthly wisdom of God, which said, “Ladies, you’ll change your man not through manipulation, nor by nagging, nor by pushing or pulling him into change, but rather by submitting to him, and choosing to respect him whether he is respectable or not (unconditional respect that is given, not earned).  I yearn to be a man of meekness (power under restraint – the restraint of God).    Submission always trumps disrespect.  The power of God is exponentially magnified through people reigned in by obedience to the Holy Spirit within them.  This thinking is so upside down for me and for most people I know.  “Oh Lord, I place myself under you today.  I know, like Jesus, that I can do nothing unless you first initiate it. I can do nothing unless I abide in you, and see what you are doing.”

January 28, 2009

As I continue to meditate on this teaching by George Miley on spiritual warfare, I’d like to share some of the continued points.  The points of this teaching are George’s; the pontifications are mine. As we look at how Jesus did warfare, especially in light of how He approached the cross, we see these things:

1. Jesus centered Himself in God.  He wasn’t looking behind every bush for demons, nor was he trying to discern if an attack was from the devil, or was just His own fleshly desire.  He simply centered His attention on God, promptly dealt with temptation, tribulation, and difficulty with an eye on eternity, and then moved on.  We must endeavor to live with our focus on our King, not on our adversary.
2. Authority is always under restraint.  Jesus refused to call down angels to save Him from the cross.  If he wanted to, He could have really messed up Pilate’s world with a serious display of power and retribution (that idea appeals to me, and  probably to Hollywood ).  Jesus refused to defend Himself.  The King of all glory had no need to PROVE that He had all the authority in the world.  True spiritual authority is held in check.
3. Jesus refused to rely on human methods.  The whole idea of defeating evil by sacrificing oneself is so foreign to human nature, and even human ingenuity.

January 27, 2009

I’ve continued to meditate on a recent teaching on spiritual warfare by an old mentor and friend of mine named George Miley.  I should say that George and his wife, Hanna embody the message they preach.  I have rarely been so impacted by the holiness, maturity, and gentleness I find in this couple, who are now in their 70’s.  The two of them have spent years in oversees ministry, and have through much fiery tribulation come out on the other side with sterling character.  Here are some more points from that teaching.

• The Lord is a warrior.  We often see ourselves as warriors, and in other contexts this is great truth.  But when you look carefully at Jesus, he prepared the way for the Father, who is the true warrior, to accomplish His will.  The way to do spiritual warfare is modeled to us by Jesus as He approached the cross.  When dealing with the wily enemies of our soul, the world, the flesh, and the devil, we must examine closely the example lived for us in Jesus during those last 7 days of his life.
• When we face warfare, we must center ourselves in the three persons of the trinity.  We do this through focused worship, and declaring our need for each of the members of the trinity.  “Father, I hallow your name today, and exalt you above all else.  Jesus, please intercede for me as you sit at the right hand of our Father.  Holy Spirit, I surrender to you, and ask that you would bring to my remembrance all that Jesus has said, and empower me to do all I do WITH You!”

January 19, 2009

I was at a conference a couple weeks ago where I heard one of my heros speak on spiritual warfare.  It was perhaps one of the most balanced and biblical messages on warfare that I’ve ever heard.  The statement he made that has resonated with me ever since is this:  “When the enemy wars against the church, the primary goal of his fight is to bring division.”  Think about it.  Churches split all the time over petty issues, marriages dissolve because of unresolved differences, and friendships within the church many times end with deep hurts that are never resolved.  In fact,I’ve met a great number of people who no longer attend church.  They tell me of unresolved conflicts and hurts.  “Who needs the church?” they say with an edgy crack in their voice.  Sadly, from the Bible’s point of view, these are the victims of a spiritual war, and their side lost.  Maybe we all lose in these situations.

It seems that dealing with conflicts and differences is one of the most difficult areas of maturity for all of us.  Some of are willing to confront, but do so with a club rather than with grace.  Others of us are completely unwilling to work through things face to face with hard conversations.  As a result, relationships blow apart, or they simply dissolve because of the “elephant in the living room.”

I wonder if you see cracks and fissures emerging in your relationships?  What if we were to see these as they are – attempts by an unseen enemy trying to divide us? The courageous thing to do is to talk about it kindly and with a desire to understand, not to change the other person.  Matthew 18: 15-20 is a great place to start.

Pastor Randy’s Blog

Welcome to the blog of Pastor Randy Kroening from Mountain Life Church in Fort Collins, Colorado!  The “Great Adventure” awaits any who will follow Jesus Christ and be led by Him on a daily basis!  This is a casual place to talk about the adventure and to pursue Him together.

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